I'm going back to school and so it is decision time. Childhood education or something else?
The something else I've been thinking about is along the lines of life coaching, holistic health, energy healing, etc. None of these come with pension plans or health insurance, as far as I know or even guaranteed paychecks. So it's a big decision. In April I contacted a school about life coaching and was very excited about it but I got scared and took a step back. Yesterday, the woman called back to see if I am ready now. Am I?
Do I keep working so hard physically for a small but steady check? Or do I take a risk on a dream life and trust that I'll always be ok no matter what?
Last weekend, I tried to do an oracle card reading. I use these cards. It was like a conversation. I went through much of the deck and eventually I was left laughing at the cards I was drawing. I realized that my thoughts were just too scattered for any real answers to be found.
We have been having a lot of financial stress as Patrick has tried to find a job he likes and feels good about. My job doesn't pay a lot...think burger flipper wages...but it is steady and pays the bills for the most part. It gets a little wearing to pay only the bills with no hope of having extra for other things and I think I was sort of reaching my breaking point. I was turning to the cards to help me figure out if I could make more money doing something else or if I was to do childcare for the rest of my life. This is not really a good way to approach the cards. Desperation is a not a good place from which to make decisions and certainly not a good way to come to the Divine.
Things have improved and I have some hope about our finances now.
This weeked I have some physical issues that are not serious but they have pretty much made the decision for me, concering child care. I can not be lifting babies any more.
I'm not upset about it. In fact, in my return to magic I have found such peace that nothing is really upsetting to me these days.
Yesterday, I found a few quiet moments to myself and took my oracle cards to the altar. I began shuffling slowly, feeling the cards carefully and mindfully with my hands and asking my questions. "Will I find another career?" I chose a card. "Spread Your Wings." This card comes up often and while it is great, it isn't as specific an answer as I would usually like. This card says that it's time to soar. The cards come with a book that goes into more detail. The book said that I may feel intimidated but I need to step outside of my comfort zone. I need to know that it's safe to follow my heart and dreams. And a biggie...avoid naysayers and skeptics. Keep the focus on love, service and spirit.
That got pretty specific after all but I didn't realize until later and really, I may not have realized just how specific until I was typing this out for you to read.
For the next card I asked the same question, "Will I find another career?" but at the last second added, "and what is it?" The card jumped out of the deck. I love it when that happens. I have read that the card that jumps like that is one to pay extra attention to. So I turned it over and it was the Counselor card. Wow! Ok. The card says that I need to expand my counselor work because I am about to help a great number of people. Yay! I wasn't looking at the book yet, only the cards so I moved on to my last card and asked my last question. I kept changing the way I asked as I asked. lol "Ok, will I know which school? Will you show me which school? Will you help me to know..." I pulled the card and got, "Take back your power!" "Use your God-given power and intention to manifest blessings in your life." Well, alrighty then.
After that, I went to the little book and read each entry for the cards that showed up. I had to laugh when the Counselor card ended with telling me to ask Azrael, the particular angel of this card, and he would guide me to the right school.
So, how can I miss when I have angels telling me "Dude, you're ok. We got this." lol
I have been doing a lot of visualizing again. I hadn't done it for a while. I think that when you feel you have to censor yourself in public, you (or at least I) begin to censor yourself in private so I hadn't been practicing any magic. I was starting to get a bit depressed and anxious.
I decided to get a new magical facebook page and new blog where I can be myself without worrying about what people are going to say to my mother (whom I adore) or my boss or even what my very logical Atheist son might think. It's the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. I feel so relieved and free. Being able to express my beliefs and talk about them has brought more magic into my life. I don't hold back now and I can feel the power of my witchy life.
I am so grateful.
Thank you, my friends, for always being a Light that I could keep my eye on until I could ignite, too.
I love you.
